Archive for Thursday, February 5, 2004

Opinion: My new team

February 5, 2004

It's now Thursday and I gotta tell you, I'm a Duke Blue Devil fan. Well, at least today I am.

Let me clarify: I'm not actually a Duke fan. Rooting for Duke is like rooting for Microsoft to have a banner fiscal year: they've had too much success, and normally I find cheering for Duke about as appealing as watching an Oprah marathon on the WE channel.

However, tonight is different because my Blue Devils (for Thursday only, mind you) are playing an even more loathsome opponent -- Roy Williams and his North Carolina Tar Heels.

I don't think my feelings toward Williams are any secret but if you're not familiar, allow me to enlighten you. In short, I believe Roy Williams is perhaps the most evil, vile force to inhabit this rock we call Earth.

A bit melodramatic, I know, but I can't help it.

For anyone living in a bomb shelter the last 15 years, Williams is the former coach of the Kansas Jayhawks, my team. Williams, after pledging allegiance to the Jayhawks, spurned the school choosing to coach the Tar Heels instead.

I can't wait for tonight's game. Rumor is the Duke students are going to chant Rock-Chalk-Jayhawk during the game.

We Duke fans are a clever bunch aren't we?

I can't go a whole column without mentioning the Super Bowl, so here are some random observations from Sunday night:

  • Janet's appearance is Justified: Anyone who purchased the Lingerie Bowl on satellite could have saved a few bucks by checking out Janet Jackson's performance in Houston. Don't know if it was planned, don't know if it was allowed and more importantly, I don't care.

It was Britney-Madonna awesome.

  • Curious George was a wuss: By and large, the Super Bowl commercials stunk. Only one really caught my attention and that was the monkey throwing the mack down on his owner's girlfriend. Any commercial with a suave monkey is well worth watching in my book.

The most glaring omission was the absence of office linebacker Terry Tate, a thundering Ray Lewis-esque cloud of violence. I'm still finishing my TPS reports and I'm not even sure what TPS reports are.

  • It's good to be Tom Brady: 25-years-old, a millionaire, two Super Bowl rings, two Super Bowl MVP trophies and a super model girlfriend.

I'm 25 with a spastic dog named Luke and a weekly deadline. Advantage Brady.

  • Sue the weathermen: This isn't related to the Super Bowl but deserves a mention anyway.

Someone needs to set some precedent and file a lawsuit against television weather geeks for their asinine predictions. Seven to 12 inches of snow? Nice call, geniuses.

If there were weathermen in his day, Noah wouldn't have bothered to build the arc. Weathermen would have told him the seven-day outlook calls for sunny skies with a slight chance of showers over the weekend.

For far too long these dastardly prognosticators have run roughshod over the public without fear or consequence. It's time some brave soul lays down the law and puts these geeks in the hurt box.

Of course, if you won, there's only a 60 percent chance you'd get any money out of it.

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