Archive for Thursday, November 4, 2004

Opinion: The dog nearly did it again

November 4, 2004

The stars seemed to align just right for John Kerry this week: the race was too close to call, the Packers beat the Redskins and the Senator's hometown team, the Boston Red Sox, had "reversed the curse" by beating an Evil Empire of its own, the New York Yankees.

Plus, there was another dimension. My psychotic mongrel dog, The Luke, was again losing the short-grasp he possesses on normality.

The behavior of this canine is usually as reliable as a fixed fight on predicting outcomes of events I'm rooting on.

Exhibit A: Kansas v. Duke in the 2002 Sweet Sixteen. The mutt was asleep and Kirk Hinrich couldn't make a shot. The beast awoke in a furious frenzy for the second half, the result of which included Nick Collison transmogrifying into a Danny Manning-clone, and was culminated by the hound nearly knocking himself unconscious when he ran into a steel door -- twice.

Kansas wins.

Oh, there's more. Like last season's Miami Hurricanes home opener where the 'Canes found themselves being taken to the shed by the Florida Gators. Again, a subdued first half was ended by a terrifying blitz of destruction -- for both Miami and my collision-bound Collie.

Bottom line: UM quarterback Brock Berlin looked like the second coming of Dan Fouts in the second half and Luke had to be forcefully rustled away from the tree he was trying to bite. And there have been many, many more examples including incidents with a police car, (NBA Finals) a Simple Simon's delivery man (Chiefs-Packers) and Luke's arch nemesis, the FedEx truck (KU v. Missouri).

Tuesday bode well for Senator Kerry. Early on there seemed to be just as many states glossed in blue as red, and prognosticators calculated that electoral votes were about even for each candidate. There was hope for my guy and reason for more optimism was on the way: like the Wolf Man coming out for a full moon, The Luke, sauntered out of his room to see what was going on.

Soon, the maniacal hound was trampling through papers, chewing on anything that wasn't bolted to the ceiling and growling at Dan Rather on CBS.

These aren't the hoof prints left by a creature with normal wiring, so there was reason to believe.

I thought maybe his appetite for destruction Tuesday night was a good omen, a sign of positive things to come. But, like the Kerry campaign, Luke never quite reached the zenith he typically aspires to.

Believe me, I know there are better ways to judge an election than by the mad ramblings of some insane outback animal, but hey, Tuesday night I figured The Luke was at least as dependable as say, Florida or the Electoral College.

Speaking of the election, I've found Kerry's running mate, Senator John Edwards an intelligent speaker and thought many times that I'd gladly support him in the same manner as I did Kerry.

However, a cold reminder sucker punched me across the forehead and stopped me dead in my tracks -- that Edwards hails from that same southern outpost of evil as former Kansas basketball coach Roy Williams. My loathing of Carolina runs deep -- I've changed airplane flights just to avoid being in the same airspace as that cesspool -- and I just don't know if I could bring myself to support a 'Heel.

Sadly, I'll have at least another four years to figure it out.

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